Beauty, Truth and Goodness: Body as Canvas: How to create your dream body

The'Real' Secret to Losing Weight: "This particular subject is one of the most popular that I can think of in our country today. Whether the topic is found in the bookstore, o..."

Re-do of baby blue/violet using primer + NYX jumbo pencil in white

So here's the re-do of the last look in baby blue and violet using the same colors, but whereas I used only Urban Decay Primer Potion in the last picture, I used UDPP + NYX Jumbo pencil in white as a base. You can see that the color payoff is way more intense, and the look is much more vivid.

Enquiring Minds Want to Know

If you're anything like me... learning about makeup techniques and trying to understand the reason and rhyme for each product, then this little bit may enlighten you on one teensy question that has been bothering me: what is the deal with using eyelid primer in conjunction with a cream/gel base? I had watched some youtube videos by Xteener (love her), which is where I picked up the notion that, in order to get the highest color payoff, you can use eyeshadow primer, then a cream base over that. On top of these, the powder then adheres and gives that amazing color payoff that we all love and want for dramatic makeup looks.

Well, I remember wondering... why not just cream base? Or why not just eyeshadow primer (lots of youtube gurus tell you to do just that)? Over time, I think I finally figured things out. The other day, I did a look with just Urban Decay Primer Potion (because Enquiring Minds Want to Know)! The colors were - meh. For an evveryday look, it was still pretty bright. I had to kind of rub it off a bit to go to Brazilian jujitsu class (I'm there to train, not to hook up :P). And of course, it was really hard to rub off (thank you, UDPP)! But compared to some other looks I have done, it paled in regards to vividness of color. You can see in the picture at the beginning of this article, that the color payoff is just not as strong.

Well, it got the wheels in my head to turning, and it all finally came together and made sense. A really good primer, such as UDPP or Too Faced Shadow Insurance, HOLDS that product on your face, rendering it fantastically difficult to budge - as exhibited by the difficulty I had in removing product before my Brazilian Jujitsu class. It also prevents makeup from creasing - VERY important for those dramatic looks. Now the cream base (such as a NYX jumbo pencil or a gel liner applied to the lid before adding powder colors) makes the colors pop like crazy. The powder adheres to the cream and makes the color incredibly vivid, and gives one really great control when layering colors. Without the cream or gel base, sometimes, the powder will get kind of sloshy, or muddy. However, with the base, your eye becomes like a canvas ready for oil pastels - you can layer on colors with a similar effect to actually drawing with pastels - the colors actually layer on top of each other instead of just mashing together into colorless gunk.

So why not just a cream base, then? (After all, Enquiring Minds..., etc.) Well, cream shadows can crease if they are used alone. You may get a great canvas to start with, but with some sweat, humidity and motion, the colors may start sliding off. That's where the eyelid primer comes into such a prominent place of importance. The primer makes everything STICK, and it prevents everything from creasing.

And THAT is why the best combination for a dramatic eye look is to use an eyelid primer + cream/gel base. Voila! Question answered! :) FYI: I will be re-doing the baby blue'/violet look that's pictured at the beginning of this post, but with both primer and cream base - and I will post the picture in the next post!

Have a bright, beautiful and joyful day. May your makeup pursuits be plenty and colorful, and may all your adventures bring you to the center of your own loving heart.

Favorite products for Asian eyes

It used to be that I was a costume make-up artist, and that adding as many interesting textures, colors, and elements as possible was part of what made the whole production more interesting. Glitter, rhinestones, gems, glitter glue, uv-paints (that glow in black lights) were my forte.

More recently, as I began to research more wearable makeup, I ran into quite a few challenges. Of course, easy wearable makeup is not an issue. We all have our favorite quick routines, and I am no exception to this rule. However, when I tried to replicate some of the more interesting looks that I saw in magazine spreads and sephora catalogs, I had a very hard time getting the precision necessary to create real depth and vividness of color and hue. Even with good product, without the right tools, the eye shadows would not blend or layer properly. Rather, they would just crumble into a messy, diluted color heap. If for instance I wanted to add a deep purple for a crease-effect (I say crease-effect, because like many Asian women, I have a very small crease and need to create the illusion of a larger crease with eye shadows) and if I already had a bright pink on my lids, the purple and pink would just mix together to form a vague messy hue.

It took me several tries and a lot of shopping to figure out a few things. First of all, I have a smaller eye than many of the caucasian gurus on youtube (I just "found" youtube in the last month or so, and it's amazing as a resource), and this was even true of many of the Asian gurus as well. So rather than using normal eye shadow brushes, I had to find smaller brushes to fit my smaller eye-area. I also needed to find precision tools in order to use the eye shadows as a true artist's medium, rather than a messy bunch of powder. This being said, these are some of the brushes that worked for me:

1. Sephora professional small eyeshadow brush. This brush is more densely packed than some other small eyeshadow brushes that I found, and the density is important in order to properly pack the color onto the lids. Large or even medium sized eyeshadow brushes do not allow the precision to create multi-colored or even monchromatic-depth of the same color on the lid.

2. Sephora platinum smokey eye (or pencil) brush: This is probably my favorite brush so far. The bristles are incredibly soft and yet the brush can create from a thin to medium lines for eyeliner, or for lining the crease area for a cut-crease look. You can also use it to smoke out eyeliner or to blend out the edges for a smokey-eye look. It also causes less fallout because of the precision of the tip. This brush can create a number of looks, and in my opinion, is the most important brush for creating eye-looks of any complexity in a small eye.

3. Sephora professional crease brush: This brush is smaller than the platinum crease brush, which I find to be helpful again for a smaller eye. I don't really use the crease brush for my crease, even for a smokey look, as I prefer the precision of the pencil brush or even smaller brushes with natural bristles that are sometimes labeled "lip brushes." Now, I don't have a monolid, or even a light crease. I was born with a very deep but very small crease, which I think requires smaller and more precise tools. A monolid can get by with the larger tools because one doesn't have to worry about the shadow falling into the deep lid and doing weird things. Therefore, I find that a precise tool is necessary for defining the crease. However, the sephora professional crease brush is perfect for blending out colors, which is necessary for creating depth and polish in a more complex eye-look. Other brushes I have seen on youtube that I think would also work - blending brushes such as the e.l.f. blending brush, or other dense, soft, graduated natural bristles that come to a rounded point (unlike the sephora platinum smokey-eye, which just comes to a straight point).

Those are the three most important brushes, in my opinion. It's nice to have a couple of the small eyeshadow brushes as well, in case you want to do a multi-color look. Next are tools that I find are very helpful, but not of the same degree of importance in my opinion.

1. The sephora professional smudge brush: This brush allows you to smoke out cream eyeliners easily. It is densely packed and a longer shape, to allow for precise smudging (you need to have the control for precision even more when you have a small eye, otherwise you won't have a smoked-out eyeliner, but a big messy raccoon-effect).

2. The sephora professional angled liner brush: This brush allows for precision in applying cream or gel based liners. It has the right amount of stiffness (even though the bristles are soft) to create a precise line. When the liner brush is not stiff or dense but skinny enough, you can't get a small enough line for the tiny deep crease. Again, if you have a monolid, you can get away with a thicker line - or even if you have a double-lid with a light crease. But with a very deep crease, if you don't create a very precise line, the line will invariably smudge and lose the effect of the cat-eye, or whatever precise look you are trying to create. Some liquid liners are also good for this purpose, depending on the brush or the tip of the liner (or you can use a regular liner brush of your own). Makeup forever used to make the BEST liquid liners EVER. I am so sad that they discontinued those, but with the right angled brush, you can use this method to create a precise and flattering cat-eye.

3. The sephora platinum eyebrow brush/lash comb. The platinum comb has a metal rather than plastic comb. The metal tips are sharp (!) I tripped once holding onto the metal ends of this comb, and it poked right into my palm. So yes - it's sharp, but it's fantastic at separating lashes. Other eyelash combs cannot even come close to the precision of this comb. It works perfectly to declump lashes every time. This tool is for everyone, not just people with small eyes. I love it, because you can apply as many coats of mascara as you want without getting spidery or clumpy.

4. The Shiseido eyelash curler. I know that the Shu Uemura curler gets way more attention (and I have two of the Shu Uemura curlers, so I'm not really complaining about the quality), but the Shiseido curler is wider and somewhat flatter in shape. A lot of Asian reviewers have commented that the shape works better in general for the Asian eye, and I would tend to agree. I had to be careful with the Shu Uemera curler not to catch my skin in the curler (which definitely happened sometimes). The Shiseido curler definitely works better for my eye shape. It also seems to get the lashes curled more evenly, as it's less rounded and therefore allows for more length along the lashline when grabbing lashes to be curled.

And last but not least, these are a couple of products that are really necessary to create a vibrant-eye that doesn't smudge, crease, or fade throughout the day (and I have done intense physical exercise to test this out, and my eye products didn't budge at all when using these products).

1. The obvious product that most people are familiar with is using a good eye primer. I like Too Faced Shadow Insurance, but the other product that is often hailed as being the "best" primer - Urban Decay Primer Potion. There are a few others that are touted by various youtube gurus, but the Too Faced and UDPP are the most widely recognized.

2. Something I picked up from watching the youtube gurus: NYX jumbo eye pencils. These are thick and creamy. Used on top of the primer (the primer helps to keep the creamy pencils from creasing) the sticky texture gives powder eyeshadow even more ability to adhere. I also like to experiment with other cream or gel shdaows/liners, to see which shadows show up best on which product.

Ok - I know this was pretty long! I didn't mean to ramble on quite as much as I did, but as a consumer, I always want to know what products work best on my type of eye, and why - so I have tried to take the time to explain. There are some other products that I definitely want to share, but these are the items that took me from muddy eyeshadows to clear-cut and colorful looks... these were also the items that were eluding me at first when I was trying to figure things out, so hopefully, this post will help other people who might have similar issues. Still, the thing that will allow for the most clarity and precision is always going to follow that old adage: "practice makes perfect." Although it helps to find another person with similar features and learn what they are using, ultimately, we all have to experiment to find what works best with our individual skin type, tone, and texture.

Good luck, and most importantly, HAVE FUN out there! Makeup makes me so happy, I hope that you feel the same, deriving joy from waking up each day to the palette of your face, and using your unique artistry and vision to make your life a beautiful work of art.

Beauty and the Beast

I would like to address the meaning and purpose of this blog, as well as discussing the name of the blog and of this particular post. My understanding of beauty is that it is deeply interconnected with one's sense of integrity, inner truth, and the essential goodness of our basic human nature when our natural integrity and purpose is honored in life. Basically, I believe that beauty cannot exist without a commitment to living life fully and honestly, which then gives rise to a sense of goodness... of cherishing life and all the little and large things which bring us joy (and deriving strength from all the little and large things which bring us pain).

That being said, the title of this blog is Beauty and the Beast. At this moment, I am referring to the paradoxical nature of how we regard beauty in our society/culture. In fact, it doesn't necessarily even have to do with our specific society. Biology and Darwinism play a role in putting individuals with symmetrical, pleasing features in a role of higher power than those who are not regarded as "beautiful." There is an essential paradox and conflict between the beauty which rises from deep within the soul and the beauty which is reflected by genetic factors and what can seem to be random chance.

So which beauty do we honor? The beauty which rises from a life lived in integrity and joy, or the beauty of features coveted by the outside world? In fact, I believe that at different times, we need to honor and be aware of both qualities. And that when both aspects of beauty are given appropriate energy (not too much, not too little, but like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, just the right amount) they begin to work in tandem, like the strands of DNA which spiral around each other, connected by ladder rungs of genetic coding.

There are times when the issue of being beautiful can seem like a beast, burdened by all the expectations of human attributes of beauty that are hardly attainable. I find myself often infuriated by the Hollywood starlets who repeatedly deny having undergone surgery, when in fact the changes in their appearance is as obvious and noticeable as night and day. Angelina Jolie, Halle Barry, and Jennifer Lopez are prime examples of women who are considered to be exceptionally beautiful in our society.... in fact, in the world society... when it is very obvious that each of them have markedly different profiles now than when they were younger, poorer, and surgery-free. I have a world of respect for Demi Moore, who has always admitted to undergoing surgery, even while other actors reviled it, then secretly went under the knife repeatedly to try and attain that "perfect" current standard of beauty that is unattainable naturally by most of the population.

The point is that the burden of beauty can indeed be a beast that we each carry within us, constantly putting down this feature or that. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be a beast of fear and pain. Like the Beast in the story of Beauty and the Beast, the beast can be trans-formative in positive ways if we allow ourselves to live with the paradox, attempting to be as kind to ourselves and others as possible. Go ahead and get surgery if you would like to. I have no problem with actors who have surgery. I get angry at those actors who do have surgery and then deny it, making the average Joe or Jo (unable to afford surgery) feel inadequate and un-beautiful. Or even worse, in my mind, are those smug actors who don't have surgery because they truly don't need it (at least not yet, while they are still young) who scoff dismissively at those who do have surgery.

This kind of relentless judgment is a beast of fury, anxiety and pain. But like the Beast in the fairy tale, when Beauty (the character) falls in love with the Beast, their entire world transforms into a place of joy and peace. That is to say, if we allow the beast of relentless judgment to control our thoughts and behavior - like the actors who refuse to admit to surgery and scorn those who admit to having undergone surgery - we become victims of our own cruelty and judgment. The first person to receive the brunt of an individual's cruelty is the individual's own self. As the saying goes: "When you point a finger at someone else, there are 3 more fingers pointing back at you." In contrast, if one comes to see the beauty within the beast (ah yes, there's that essential paradox), then transformation and peace are possible both internally and externally. A loving, peaceful person becomes more beautiful regardless of their physical features. And if that person were to have surgery, accepting the paradox and living life as fully and joyfully as they can envision it, the external change that the surgery produces can cause an internal change of joy and release of suffering. The seed of beauty is in each of us, no matter how we may or may not match standard ideals of beauty. And if a person has surgery without seeing the beauty within the beast , they can well become victims of dysmorphic disorder - no matter how many surgeries they undergo. Oftentimes, they are still terribly unhappy because the seed of beauty within the beast (or the seed of their own spirit) was never allowed to emerge and grow.

We, all of us, have aspects of Beauty and the Beast within us. That which we value about ourselves and others represents the "Beauty" and that which we revile within ourselves and in others represents the "Beast." In the fairy tale, transformation and union occur only after Beauty learns to love the Beast. At first, she only sees the fear, the pain, the ugliness of the Beast's countenance. But gradually, she comes to know the Beast, and she falls in love with the Spirit that lives within. In a sense, the Spirit that she recognizes at last within the Beast represents her own Spirit; her own ability to marry paradoxical truths and find joy and release in the union. Like two sides of a coin, Beauty and the Beast cannot live one without the other - and yet, as long as each refuses to look inward, they will never see the reflection of their own Spirit within the other. Two sides of a coin which look outward will only see their half of the world.

So as long as that which divides beauty and beast continues to separate, segregate and judge, no amount of surgery will satisfy that gaping maw of paradoxical hunger. The only thing to do is for beauty to accept beast, and vice-versa. Only then can both halves work in tandem (like two legs on a body) to move forward in life; in love; in spirit.

Body and Soul

In the morning
After taking a cold shower
-----what a mistake-----
I look at the mirror.

There, a funny guy,
Grey hair, white beard, wrinkled skin,
-----what a pity-----
Poor, dirty, old man!
He is not me, absolutely not.

Land and life,
Fishing in the ocean
Sleeping in the desert wth stars
Building a shelter in mountains
Farming the ancient way
Singing with coyotes
Singing against nuclear war--
I'll never be tired of life.
Now I'm seventeen years old,
Very charming young man.

I sit down quietly in lotus position,
Meditating, meditating for nothing.
Suddenly a voice comes to me:
"To stay young,
To save the world,
Break the mirror."

-Nanao Sakaki


Break the mirror. Enjoy the soft flesh of youthfulness, and enjoy equally the process of aging. This does not mean, as I once believed, that one should just stop caring about how one looks; that poverty and giving the shirt off of one's back is better than taking care of and honoring the temple of one's own body. Breaking the mirror does not mean (as I once believed) that one must kill one's ego to save the world. No, breaking the mirror is about the power of letting go of the ideas we have about who we are, and learning to love and appreciate ourselves just as we are. Breaking the mirror is about breaking down the barriers that keep us from really getting to know ourselves. And who are we, really? That's the twenty-four million dollar question. Because we are none of us meant to be the same. For some, enjoying the process of aging can very well be the act of injecting pig toxins into your face so that one's skin is smooth and taut. There can be joy in reveling in the smoothness of the palette of one's skin after getting a facelift. And part of this puzzle; this paradox, is that we all know that those who are considered to be more attractive get better treatment; better opportunities. That paradox is a beast. That paradox is an attribute of the "Beast." That confusion, fear, pain and suffering is the Beast, and that is why we try so hard to run away rather than to befriend this poor, pitiful Beast that is actually one of the tenderest aspects of our deep selves.

Befriending the Beast teaches us that there is no "right" nor "wrong" way to behave or to choose. We each have our own paths; our own destinies to honor. Break the mirror - stop looking outside constantly for answers; for peace. The answers are here within us, right alongside the monstrously fearful "Beast;" the boogeyman under the bed with sharp claws to cut through tender bellies when we were children; the dark stranger who chases us relentlessly in dreams as adults. And paradoxically (of course), once the mirror is broken, the Beast is beast no longer - and with that, other labels dissipate: "beauty" and "beast;" "good" and "bad" also lose focus and meaning. The more important discernments become: "satisfying" or "pointless;" "helps to grow" or "keeps one stagnant."

This is a blog about celebrating beauty in its wholeness. Beauty, truth and goodness are like a tripod - when one of the legs is missing, the whole structure will collapse. When all three legs are strong, it is the most structurally sound formation possible. So there is no need to divorce beauty from the beast, nor from anything else. Each person's integral truth will light them up with the essence of their own beauty when all three prongs are existing equally and in harmony.

It's as if we were all given a lump of clay at birth, and were told that we could make anything we wanted out of this clay. Some of our lumps were wider, bumpier; black, white, red or yellow. Some of our lumps were broken and some of them were seemingly already formed. And as spirits, we knew that this was just our lump of clay to work into our own masterpiece. For some, a masterpiece was like a photo taken of an old, old woman with wrinkles and warts on her nose. (Oftentimes, it's more fun to draw or take a picture of a human being with infinite wrinkles and folds rather than perfectly smooth, flat skin.) For others, a masterpiece was about making a Barbie. For everyone, the idea of a masterpiece changes over and over again just as they themselves change and grew. But the point is that we were given this body to live in, and the right to choose how to decorate it; to bash it (bashing could be the satisfying hard bashing of athletic training or it could be the painful bashing of an abusive relationship); to yell at it or sing to it; to react to all the other bodies giving off confusing signals or to learn how to hone into and listen to the deep voice within. The point is, that we each have the right and the need to choose what we want to express. And if we are choosing with joy, our bodies vibrate with that joy like a pure note on a violin sends ripples of sound deep into the heavens.

So welcome to this blog. Welcome to a place where beauty is explored in my terms and through the lens of my personal frame of reference.. (And I want to hear your feelings and thoughts too... because part of the joy of molding my own lump of clay is in learning and experiencing how you shape yours. We all affect each other, and that can be such a powerfully gorgeous experience when shared consciously.) Welcome to my facebook, twitter, and youtube accounts. Welcome to the advent of 'me' adding my voice to the harmonic ensemble of "All That Is" by my singing of what I believe to be beautiful, real, and full of integrity. I hope you enjoy the ride of the dance as much as I do: makeup brushes in hand, a song upon my lips, a thrill upon my heartbeat.